As most of you know, after 21 years in education, I am leaving to pursue a career as a professional writer. There are SO many things I’m going to miss about teaching. I will miss the act of teaching itself. I love to talk about my subject matter and see that “light bulb” turn on when one of my kids finally “gets it.” Most of all, I’m going to miss the relationships with my students. I truly love the bonds I’ve built with them over the years, and I can say I have met some of the most incredible people in the world sitting in my class room. BUT…there are some things I WILL NOT miss about teaching. I am not much for “listing,” but I just couldn’t resist. I CANNOT WAIT to start missing these things!
It’s a human right to be able to relieve yourself when necessary. Unless you’re a teacher. Our bladders and bowels are on a schedule, and that usually means that between the hours of 8:00 AM – 4:30 PM (on a good day), you try to avoid the sound of running water at all costs. If you hear it, that will remind you that your bladder is well past due to be emptied. You feel like a bride-to-be at her bachelorette party when she’s on her second full bottle of Hypnotic but the music is too good to leave the dance floor. Minus the booze. Minus the fun. I am so excited by the prospect that I will actually be able to go potty at-will, it makes me wanna tinkle!
This is the meeting that never ends. It just goes on and on my friend…
There’s ALWAYS one. You’re at a faculty meeting that should have been covered by an email. The powers that be are about to release you to go home 37 minutes after your contracted time. And there she goes. It’s always a woman. The hand goes up, and the groans of the other captives go out. “Um, I’d just like to say…” I’d just like to say, “Put your hand down and STFU!” The WORST is when they feel the need to kiss the admin’s ass publicly. Hon, if you feel the need to place some lips on cheeks, may I suggest you start with mine. Not going to miss that in the slightest!
Not being able to chew my food during lunch
The bell rings for lunch, and the race is on! You have 20 minutes to take your kids to the cafeteria and safely deliver them. If there are no altercations along the way, you’re down to 15. You sprint to the lounge. You’re 3rd in line for the microwave, and your $1 Michelina’s frozen chicken Alfredo takes 5-7 minutes to heat. You need to pee, but, as we discussed earlier, your bladder is a steel trap, and you don’t wanna break the seal. You need to make copies because you had duty this morning and didn’t have a chance earlier. So, you try to start the copier and jet back to the microwave before someone jumps in front of you. Run and grab the copies. Run back. And you have exactly enough time to pick your kids up and take them back to class. You swallow the scalding pasta and choke on the chicken. I can’t wait to be able to chew my food.
I’ll keep this brief. While I enjoy the breath of a man on my neck, I don’t enjoy my principal’s. May he develop a severe case of poison ivy that covers his nether region. Nuff said.
I live less than 10 miles from my campus. Narrowing escaping two, I still pass through FOUR school zones on my way to school. And there’s always that ONE car (usually the bitch raising her hand in the faculty meeting) that feels the need to go ten mph rather than 20 and carry that speed on for a minimum of half a mile past the school zone’s end, just for good measure. I could leave an hour early and STILL get caught in one of those fuckers and end up late to school. I used to go an hour and a half early so that I avoided them. And don’t even get me started on the cops who lay in wait 30 feet into or before the ending of the zones. Never again will I have to deal with that shit!!!
Yes, I will miss being a teacher and making a difference every day. But I WILL NOT miss the stupid shit that teachers deal with daily. Y’all will be in my thoughts.